Hot Cocoa and coffee

Blizzard 2010

The taste of snow

15 months

Words are bubbling up: fishes, eyes, hello, this, bye-bye, yucky, kitty, draw, and ouch. Japanese words too: oishi (yummy), unchi (poop), okaeri (welcome home), and ocha (tea). She shakes her head no, and nods her head yes. She roars like a lion, barks like a dog, hums and sings her own sweet songs. She likes to wear hats and beads and other peoples shoes.

Cat sitting

This is Squid. He is our neighbor. We are taking care of him while his people are away for the holidays. Uta believes he is a master ninja in disguise. Every day he instructs Uta on secret ninja ways. And I get to change his litter box.

Little tree

It has become a Christmas tradition for Uta to pick out our tree from a stand a few blocks away and carry it home himself. This year he had a little unwanted help decorating. Kiki preferred taking ornaments off the tree just as soon as Uta put them on. But in the end the tree looked lovely, full of origami stars and cranes, paper chains, and sparkling white lights.

Bad luck flu

Uta was back to school for four days before he got sick again. Five solid days of alarmingly high fever, throwing up, and body aches. It was scary, having just gotten over pneumonia, to see him so ill again. I brought him to the doctor on day one thinking it was a relapse and certain we were heading back to the hospital. And though there was some head scratching and quizzical looks at the boy, the diagnosis was flu, and some seriously bad luck. On day four the doctor still said bad luck flu. And though it is unbearably frustrating for Uta to go through, he will get better. Uta checks out OK, he's a normal healthy kid who has just been hit hard, twice, back to back.

And now Kizuki is sick. Its just a cold. But she's not happy about it. Coughing makes her furious.

Cheers!

This week Kizuki mastered the cup. Well, sort of. She can manage a few sips beautifully, but pretty quickly she gets cocky and pours the whole thing directly into her lap. She then resorts to finger slurping, proud as punch of her own ingenuity.

Community

Karate is much more than an after school class for Uta, it is a second home. When he is there he shines. Since he began training at the dojo a year ago, his confidence has grown in leaps. He has found his own voice, and is sincerely proud of all he has accomplished. I never thought I'd be a fan of Karate, but Uta's teacher makes trying your best and caring for others core principles of his teaching. He manages to keep a serious atmosphere in class, but not without joy and good humor. It is an impressive balance. Uta takes it all to heart.

Yesterday was the annual holiday party at the dojo. For Uta it was a homecoming. He hasn't been to class in three weeks! It was good to be back.

Back to normal

Perhaps Uta thought his recovery would be instantaneous, just sign the hospital release forms and walk out the door feeling just like your old self. Not so. Getting back to normal is an uphill climb. And its frustrating! Uta has to build up his strength. He's tired and still coughing and pretty much overwhelmed by his old routine. But he's eating again, and eating with gusto. So he'll make a comeback. His body knows what to do. It is his mind that is the current challenge. All the sweet cards and well wishing has been a true help. There is nothing better than feeling loved. And if there is one thing that has come from all this craziness, it is proof positive of just that. Uta is a very loved kid. And now he knows it. Thanks everyone!

Pop in Miami

With all that has been going on it is hard to believe that Papa has not been around for it. But for the last ten days he has been in Miami. He would have come back in a flash had it been necessary. But fortunately I had an amazing support team that didn't hesitate to help me out. Grandma and Grandpa gave up a lot of sleep and alternated nights at the hospital with Uta. I stayed home with Kizuki  and spared her the trauma of a sudden separation. In their company Uta didn't mind my leaving in the least. During the days we were all together. I owe Grandma and Grandpa a big Thank You. But some how the words don't feel sufficient.

Pop will be home tomorrow. We can't wait to be all together again. It feels like a lifetime.

Note

The little dog in my previous post is Hudson. He's a hospital volunteer. He came to visit Uta during his stay. He loves veggies. Uta got to feed him a tiny piece of asparagus and a green bean. Kizuki was there too. She offered him her banana. His handler said that would be a very special treat for Hudson. So we broke off a piece and let him gobble it off of Kiki's open palm.

The good news

The good news is Uta is doing a lot better. The bad news is that before he got better, he got a lot worse. On Thursday night I could hardly recognize the boy in Uta's bed. After five days on antibiotics, his fever came back with a vengeance and his breathing became alarmingly labored. He could hardly lift his head from his pillow and the sparkle in his eyes completely disappeared. We took him to the ER. After x-rays and evaluation they decided he needed to stay. Twelve days of fever had him completely dehydrated. His blood oxygen levels were too low and his heart rate was too high. Apparently the Pneumonia rattling Uta's lungs was resistant to amoxicillin. All that pink nasty liquid he was choking down twice a day was having no effect. The doctors concocted a much stronger cocktail of drugs, administered by mouth as well as by IV drip. Four days later Uta is back. He lost ten pounds and all those strong karate muscles. But he's smiling and moonwalking just the same.

Get Well Soon!!!

Being sick is no fun. Well, it was a little fun at first, Uta said. He liked being allowed to watch movie after movie in bed and have unlimited sports drinks and ice pops. But the thrill has worn off and now Uta is sick of being sick. It has been ten days after all! Who wouldn't be? When I asked him if he would like to try eating some apple sauce, he said he'd like to try to kick me out the window. And when the wind rattled our front door, he glared, and very sternly asked, "Who dares to knock on a sick man's door?" He's mad. But also a little bit funny. So its a hopeful sign. He wasn't making jokes, even evil ones, a couple days ago. I think he's getting better.

A silver lining in all this was a care package that arrived from school yesterday. All sixteen of his classmates wrote get well cards for Uta. They were all so sweet. They truly made Uta feel better. His  teacher says Uta is genuinely missed by all, the class just doesn't feel the same without him. Uta said he didn't know everyone cared about him. He read the cards over and over again with a big smile on his face. Then we hung them above his bed. 

More on Uta

The first visit to the doctor just ruled stuff out, no strep, ears good, chest clear.  The doctor concluded it must be one of the many viruses running around. But seven days from the start of it and Uta is no better, in fact I'd say he's a bit worse. He has a fever that rockets up and above 104 throughout the day and night and a cough that wont give him a moments rest. His appetite is nonexistent. Today he managed a single bite of toast, nothing more. A week and counting on this diet has already transformed his once solid blue belt frame into a wisp of his former self. So back to the doctor for a second round of prodding. This time the doctor did not like the way Uta's lungs sounded and diagnosed him with pneumonia. He has been started on antibiotics. Hopefully now we'll start seeing some improvement.

Thanksgiving

Our thanksgiving was overshadowed by the fact that Uta was pretty sick. He came down with a fever monday night and seven days later is still fighting to oust it. Luckily we have great friends willing to cross the quarantine line, brave the contaminated air of our apartment, and cook up some good food and laughter. Grandma came too. It was one of the nicest thanksgivings to date.

Thanks Grandpa!

What's so funny?

Uta. Only Uta can make Kizuki laugh like this.

Bad Dreams & Invisible Monsters

3:37 am

Mom?
Yeah?
Bad dream.
What happened?
There was a goldfish.
And?
I can't remember after that.

Uta falls back to sleep. I don't really, but try my best, and sort of settle in, feeling sleep is still within reach. And then...

4:07am
Mom?
Yeah?
Another one.
Please let me sleep.
It was soo scary.
What happened?
I don't remember.
Please sleep.

And he does. Only this time sleep feels like a penny dropped in the sea for me. Its gone, I'm never getting it back. I can lie in bed and try and hope and will myself to sleep, but I'm wide awake and the worries have already crashed through the door (they wait patiently just outside most nights). So now I must contend with them, push them all back out before I might sleep again. But I'm already thinking of the morning, wondering if the effort is worth the trouble. Shall I just start my day along with the bakers, rise and shine, make Uta's lunch? Or maybe I should draw. That last idea makes me dig a little deeper under the covers, nestle my head a little heavier on my pillow.

4:27am
Kizuki coughs. She wakes and begins flapping her legs like a fish tossed from the comfort of the ocean onto the deck of a boat. I wait. She stops flapping. I see the blacks of her eyes open in the dark, but she is not really registering anything. Her eyes close. She sleeps. But not me. I'm still thinking about getting up, listing all the reasons stopping me from going to the studio to draw. The air feels a little chilly, and my throat a little scratchy. I might be catching a cold. I should sleep. But I can't! So why not draw!

4:42am
And then H starts snoring. Snoring so loud and so continuously I wonder how he is managing to take in adequate air for survival, much less sleep! Its almost five. No, there is no use even trying to sleep at this point. So?

Recently it is not just the middle of the night that finds me struggling to get myself in the studio. It is anytime, all the time. Granted I don't have much free time to speak of, but moments do arise when I could very realistically do a little something and don't. H says I'm fighting an invisible monster. There is nothing really stopping me from drawing. Nothing?! I'm fighting nothing? There is nothing to fight? Its like telling me I've been using every last ounce of blood and sweat in my body to break down a locked door. But the door is not really locked. Its open. All I need to do is turn the handle and walk right in.

I think of Toni Morrison. When she had small children underfoot she made a habit of rising by five and using the quiet before they woke to write. This is what I need to do as well. I need to make a new habit.

I get up.

Story time

Kizuki is obsessed with books. She wants to be read to all day, no exaggeration. She grabs a book and stomps her foot, literally stomps her little foot on the ground like a horse, until we concede to her wishes and read. She loves books about animals the most. Her favorite at the moment is one about baby farm animals. Perhaps it is because I've read it nearly a billion times, but it is the most irritating of books. I keep trying to stash it away, but no matter where I file it on the shelf, she seeks it out and brings it to me again and again and again. She gets so excited by the piglet page. She points to the pig's snout and then to her own nose, makes little 'snif-snif' noises, and laughs. It is a good joke, it makes me laugh too, but I do hope we get to move on to something else one day soon. 

Family jam

Road trip

Last weekend Uta went on a road trip with his grandpa. They drove together, six hours north, to Portland, to see Uncle J sing. They made an extended weekend of it, staying two nights in a hotel, so that they could spend a little time with J when he wasn't singing. This is the longest Uta and I have ever been apart. Some may see it as down right crazy, to go so long without a little break, but I've always thought myself lucky. I have been able to be with Uta every day, day and night, until he was nearly eight years old. This summer he did his first sleepover at a friend's house that broke our marathon of togetherness. This sort of togetherness is not for everyone, but for us it was the right thing. Did he miss me? Only a tiny bit he said, holding his thumb and forefinger a mere millimeter apart from one another. Did I miss him? Not at all! The quiet he left in his wake was heavenly. I love him, of course, but he rarely stops talking. And his presence sometimes feels like it fills every crack and crevice in my brain so densely I dont have adequate space for a thought of my own. Thoughts of my own, what a luxury! Uta enjoyed himself immensely too. He got to eat fruit loops for breakfast (the confession of which left him rolling with laughter on the kitchen floor), watch TV in bed, and go for a swim any time it struck his fancy. Moms are good, but being away from them is pretty good too.

Kabuki-warrior

Uta's costume idea came partly from a creative mind, but mostly from indecision. He wanted to be a ninja, of course, he wants to every year, but he also wanted to be an owl. Thus the ninja with wings, and a bird-like mask was born. When he finished making his costume and put it all together he was certain he looked like some Japanese character that he couldn't remember the name of. With Papa's help they pinpointed the resemblance to a Kabuki-warrior.

Halloween pictures

Above: Uta, as a ninja/mythical bird hybrid, along with Lara Ingalls, a robber, a lion, and a turtle.

 

Is this bench for sitting?

Uta knows enough about contemporary art to know that not all benches are benches. Sometimes if it looks like a bench, and talks like a bench, it may very well be Art, and not a bench at all. Sitting upon the wrong thing in a gallery could be catastrophic. On a recent trip to chelsea to see some shows, Uta asked, in all earnestness, "Is this bench for sitting?" It sounded pretty funny, but I was proud of him for asking. Uta's mind is wide open, and he's got a very objective eye. He's good company to have along when looking at art. But I don't think he likes coming with me as much as I like having him with me. He's just glad when he can find a bench that is meant for sitting. To Uta, all art looks much better when you can put your feet up.

Portrait of Mama

by Uta

Singing in the bath

Sick days

Kizuki just made it through a pretty nasty sick spell. What began with a common childhood virus, fever for a few days and a head to toe speckled rash, transitioned into an 'impressive' (doctor's word choice) ear infection. For a baby that never ever cries, this earache brought her to inconsolable screaming through the night. Hands down, the worst part of being a mother is when your child hurts and there is nothing you can do to make them feel better, worse still when you haven't a clue whats wrong. She is smiling again, and we are all feeling much better.

Hats and bowties

On her first birthday

Kizuki is one year old today. She is walking and talking. Her first word was Uta. She also says 'Thank-you', 'hot', 'hi doggie', and 'bye bye'. She laughs along when others are laughing and thinks bonking foreheads together is hysterical. She also gives sweet open mouth baby kisses.

BLUE!

Uta was recently promoted from an orange belt to a blue belt. The promotion test was so intense I had to resist the urge to swoop in and rescue my boy from the brink of tears and physical collapse. Sensei explained later that he wanted Uta to feel like he really accomplished something. That he did. He is proudly wearing his blue belt day and night, and even to bed.

Japan on the block

Japan vs. Queens. No clear winner. The game ended with Uta in tears, good sized sidewalk scrapes on his right elbow, and knee. Hopefully there will be a rematch soon.